Lesley Taylor - The Dynamic Introvert

Tips for Introverts Struggling with Anxiety

By Lesley TaylorPosted on June 27, 2019Posted in IntrovertsTagged Anxiety, Health and Wellness, Introverts, Leadership, Self-care

Tips for Introverts Struggling with Anxiety Is anxiety more of a problem for introverts? I’ve always thought so! A lot of people struggle to cope with anxiety and I wondered if this was more of a problem for introverts as we tend to spend a lot of time rehashing our thoughts. Too Much Anxiety Can Be Bad for Our Health Everyone suffers from anxiety at some point but too much anxiety can affect our well-being in a negative way. Even though anxiety is considered a negative state and something to be avoided at all costs, anxiety may have benefits such as motivating us to take action. But too much internal dialogue can set off a downward spiral of negative feelings. And indeed, anxiety and depression are more common among introverts than extroverts. What’s an Introvert to Do? If you want to get a handle on your anxiety, you’ll need to discover what’s causing you to feel anxious. Do you have financial worries that keep you up at night? Maybe you are looking for work and are feeling anxious about having to go through job interviews. Health concerns are another common cause of worry. Perhaps you have to give a talk at work or at school and you hate public speaking. In addition to these common worries, if you are an introvert you may become anxious because you are thinking too much. Researchers have found that when they looked at the brain activity of introverts AND extroverts it was the introverts who had the highest levels of brain activity. Introverts have a preference for solitude for a reason. It seems that carving out some quiet time throughout the day is essential for our mental health. What Can You Do to Reduce Anxiety? Trying to think your way out of a stressful situation will probably only make it worse. Instead you may want to try something different: Learn to meditate. Mindfulness meditation helps us to become aware of our thoughts when they pop into our head. Meditating helps us to to recognize our thoughts and then tell them to go away instead of rehashing them over and over. It’s not easy to meditate on a regular basis but it is a skill that can be learned and the effort will be well worth it. After struggling to meditate on my own I took classes which made all the difference in the world. Take up drumming. For those of you who prefer being active drumming is a fun form of meditation that requires us to focus. I joined a drumming circle last year and quickly learned that if I let my mind wander I couldn’t keep rhythm with the rest of the group. And, of course, just about any kind of exercise has been proven to reduce anxiety. The important thing is that with a bit of effort you can reduce your anxiety levels. Meditation, drumming and physical exercise are just a few of the things that work for me.

10 Leadership Tips for Introverts

By Lesley TaylorPosted on March 13, 2019Posted in IntrovertsTagged Dynamic Introverts, Introverts, Leadership

Some of the most successful leaders in the world are introverts. What are the secrets to their success? Here are 10 leadership tips to get you started: Tap into your quiet power by connecting to your passion, values and purpose. There is a lot of power in the spoken word. Share your passion and purpose with others. Develop your personal brand. Start by identifying what makes you unique. You can do part of this work on your own but you will also need to ask others for their opinion of what differentiates you from the crowd. Learn how to say “no”. Research conducted at the University of California, San Francisco, showed that the more difficulty that you have saying no, the more likely you are to experience stress, burnout, and even depression. Author Randy J. Paterson, writes that “assertiveness is about developing the courage to be yourself.” Develop a personal vision. Experts tell us that having a personal vision is the single most important thing we can do in order to succeed in life. Perhaps our biggest challenge is that all day, every day, our senses are inundated with “data”. In other words, we are in a state of constant stimulation. To counter this, and to find the time to dream about the type of future we would like to create, we need to carve out some time just be “be”. People with a lot of energy are more productive, creative and have a positive influence on others. But don’t confuse energy with activity. Introverts may be better at storing energy for when it is needed. Become a “conscious introvert”. By understanding what it means to be introverted you will gain a clearer understanding of who you are. By becoming conscious of who you are you will inevitably develop into a better leader. Stop thinking so much! Mindfulness meditation is a great way to learn how to do this. There are lots of good books on the subject but I would recommend taking a course with a certified instructor. Then it is up to you to practice. The more you practice the more confident you’ll become as a leader. Develop your listening skills. Introverts may make better leaders because they listen to what others have to say. But sometimes we appear to be listening when, in fact, our minds are busy processing what we have just heard or we are searching for the right words. Don’t go it alone! Whatever you want to call it–Dream Team, Mastermind Group—it pays to surround yourself with people who will support you, champion you, listen to you, challenge you and tell you the truth. Successful people, including many successful leaders know when to ask for help. It’s a sign of strength not a weakness. Set reasonable goals and as you move forward enjoy the journey! Sometimes we get so hung up on getting the perfect results that we make ourselves and those around us miserable. Perfectionism takes the spontaneity out of life. So, stop thinking and micro-managing and learn to enjoy your successes. Information on leadership development is available from The Dynamic Introvert. Here’s to your success!

Introverts Can Be Assertive Too!

By Lesley TaylorPosted on February 21, 2019Posted in IntrovertsTagged Assertiveness, Canadian Living Magazine, Introverts, Liza Findlay, Psychology Today, Randy J. Paterson, Toastmasters

INTROVERTS CAN BE ASSERTIVE TOO! Why do so many of us struggle to find the courage to speak up? Over the years I struggled to be assertive. For some reason I found it easier when I was defending my family or the people I worked with. Once I witnessed a man bullying another man in the hospital where I worked. I didn’t speak up and my lack of action haunted me for a long, long time. WHAT IS ASSERTIVENESS? Assertiveness is the ability to “honestly express your opinions, feelings, attitudes, and rights, in a way that doesn’t infringe on the rights of others.” According to Vancouver author and psychologist Randy J. Paterson, “assertiveness is a style and it is one of four styles which include passive, aggressive and passive-aggressive.” Being passive, aggressive or passive-aggressive can have negative connotations. When we are too passive or too aggressive, we may find that our mental health suffers. These behaviors are associated with anxiety, depression and lack of confidence. We all use these styles at different times although most of us use one of styles more than the others. You probably have some idea of which style you prefer but if not Psychology Today provides a good test that you can use. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/tests/personality/assertiveness-test SUGGESTIONS FOR INTROVERTS Introverts are often seen as being passive because we tend to be quiet and often keep our thoughts to ourselves. If we can’t get our point across, we risk being ignored or worse, find ourselves the target of the workplace bully. In the recent issue of Canadian Living Magazine author Liza Findlay shared some thoughts on how to be more assertive in the face of discrimination or bullying, here are a couple of her suggestions: Speak up without saying a word. Non-verbal communication speaks volumes. Use assertive body language such as maintaining direct eye contact and keeping your head up. Use hand gestures to indicate “no” or “stop” and don’t forget to breathe. Focusing on your breath can be very calming Get Backup: Find allies, people who are also concerned about the same things you are and work together to raise your concerns. Does your company’s culture need a refit? Contact someone in the human resources department. Most organizations today are aware of the impact of bullying and want to avoid negative press. ASSERTIVENESS IS A SKILL THAT CAN BE LEARNED! It takes courage to speak up and there could be repercussions so be sure to weigh the risks. As with any skill assertiveness does get easier with practice. Toastmasters is a great place to develop your skills and find your voice.

Introverts, are you lonely at work?

By Lesley TaylorPosted on February 6, 2019Posted in IntrovertsTagged employee engagement, Introverts, MBTI, The Highly Sensitive Person, The Introvert Advantage

Introverts, are you lonely? More specifically, are you lonely at work? That question was asked as part of a 2018 Global Work Connectivity Study conducted by Morar Consulting and Future Workplace. The findings may surprise you. “Workers spend almost 50% of each day on digital vs in-person communication and more than half feel lonely as a result. And perhaps the most surprising finding of all was that introverts (63%) feel lonely more often than extroverts (37%). As an introvert myself I rarely ever feel lonely. I enjoy reading, writing, reflecting, walking, cooking, yoga all things that I can do on my own. Not that I don’t like to socialize but my socializing tends to be in small doses. So why so many lonely introverts in the workplace? The study didn’t go into a lot of detail so I will share some of my thoughts about this intriguing puzzle. Could it be that introverts don’t have a best friend to confide in? As far back as 1999, The Gallop Organization, was asking employees the question “Do you have a best friend at work?”. And according to writer Annamarie Mann this is the most controversial question that Gallop asked in 30 years of employee engagement research. This question remains controversial because many managers don’t believe that socializing with friends is a priority in the workplace. Mann goes on to say that we spend most of our waking hours at work and it’s only natural that we want to feel connected to the people we work with. In the absence of having work friends we feel lonely and isolated. Just because we prefer our own company doesn’t mean we don’t want to be included in social activities with colleagues at work. Some of us remember all too clearly what it felt like when we were picked last for team activities in gym class at school. For me it was devastating! Introverts are often misunderstood because of the way we communicate. We often hesitate to answer questions, sit quietly in meetings or group situations and let others carry the conversation. Or we don’t show up at all, preferring to hide out in our offices while the more social extroverts are working together. Or, maybe, we are highly sensitive. 70% of introverts are highly sensitive according to psychologist and author Elaine Aron. Aron wrote The Highly Sensitive Person to educate us about the challenges that HSP face. Another psychologist, Marti Olsen Laney, was one of the first people to write about introverts and introversion. Back in 2002 she wrote the bestseller The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in and Extroverted World. In her book Laney has this to say about why introverts seem to be antisocial: “It’s easy to see why introverts can appear self-absorbed or uninterested, because we shut down external stimulation when we have had enough. Why? We need to compare external experiences to our own internal experience, attempting to understand new information against our old information…extroverts are also focused on the self, but in a different way. Extroverts like socializing and require the company of others.” Besides introversion and extroversion there may be other aspects of our personalities that influence how we feel at work. The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator or MBTI measures four areas of our personalities: Introvert/Extrovert: How or where we get our energy. Sensing/Intuition: How we take in information. Thinking/Feeling: How we make decisions/come to conclusions after we have taken in the information. Judgement/Perception: How we approach the world in general. Introverts who score high on F for feeling have a stronger need to socialize with people than introverts who score higher on the thinking preference. Let’s return to the study that I started with at the beginning of this post. As with a lot of studies this one leaves me with more questions than answers. Best not to take the findings at face value. Instead dig a little deeper into why introverts are lonely in the workplace and find ways to help them feel more connected! What do you think?

Is Your Voice Being Heard? 5 Tips for Quiet Introverted Leaders

By Lesley TaylorPosted on June 20, 2018Posted in IntrovertsTagged Blurting, Communication Skills, Interrupting, Introverts, Karen Friedman, leadership development, Madeleine Albright, Toastmasters

Introverts are often described as being quiet and shy so it should come as no surprise to readers of my blog that introverts also struggle to express themselves in meetings and other large group settings. To make things worse many of us are also prone to ungraciously blurting out what we want to say. I believe that introverts are more likely to interrupt the flow of a conversation by blurting out their thoughts than extroverts are. And we do this because after we have spent some time thinking quietly about what is being said we want to share our ideas and because we haven’t learned how to interrupt gracefully (see below) we just blurt out what we want to say. So what’s an introvert to do especially one who wants to share her ideas and/or develop as a leader and get recognized for her contribution? One approach that may sound counter intuitive is learn to interrupt! That’s right! But many of us grew up believing that interrupting other people is rude. In the March, 2018 issue of Toastmasters magazine author Karen Friedman has some tips for those of us who would like to develop our interruption skills, starting with a quote from Madeleine Albright: “If you are going to interrupt, you have to know what you’re talking about. And you have to do it in a strong voice.” Fortunately Friedman’s article has some suggestions for how to do this. Here are 5 notable ways to interrupt politely: Start by saying, “please excuse me” before you interrupt Highlight what the last person said and then say “What do you think if we also do this or that?” Look for opportunities to ask a question or to clarify what someone else has said Put up your hand to signal that you have something to say Be prepared No. 5 is especially true at work. If you are going to a meeting or work related group try and find out as much as you can about what the main topic is going to be. This will allow you to think about what you want to say and strategize when you could interrupt most effectively. Good meeting facilitators will provide you with an agenda beforehand and if they don’t it is up to you to ask for one. Of course it’s not always possible to “be prepared” for everything that might come up during your meetings and that is why Toastmasters is such an amazing resource for introverts. Every TM meeting involves opportunities for members to answer questions and speak extemporaneously. In other words we get to practice speaking without any advance preparation. This part of the TM program is called Table Topics. The person in charge of Table Topics will introduce a theme and ask questions related to that theme. This is probably one of the most challenging aspects of learning how to speak in public. Fortunately it does become easier and it’s usually a lot of fun.

Want a Stronger Voice? Use Dialogue!

By Lesley TaylorPosted on May 24, 2018Posted in IntrovertsTagged Dialogue, Extroverts, Facilitation Techniques, Introverts, Leadership, Nancy M. Dixon, Voice, William Isaacs

Through-out most of my career I struggled to speak up and find my voice at work. Not only was this frustrating but it also meant that I had to work harder to get my ideas across. Joining Toastmasters has helped but there might have been some things that I could have done differently. There are techniques that encourage everyone’s voice to be heard. One technique that has been used successfully in many organizations is dialogue. When I first read about using dialogue back in the 1990’s the idea really resonated with me. In hindsight I think this was because, as an introvert, I struggled to get my voice heard above the cacophony of noise in most of the meetings that I attended. Introverts often struggle to be heard in meetings. Given our personality differences it should come as no surprise that introverts and extroverts communicate differently. Extroverts tend to talk more often, more quickly and more confidently while introverts listen more than they speak and may appear tentative and less confident. Dialogue is an often overlooked facilitation tool that enhances learning and makes it possible for everyone to share their ideas and experiences. Dialogue is easy to learn but it takes a bit of practice to be able to use it effectively. What is dialogue? According to the Cambridge online dictionary dialogue is a “conversation that is written for a book, play, or film”. I’m using a somewhat different definition of dialogue in today’s blog post. Dialogue in this sense is a type of group communication that encourages participants to slow down, be in the moment and really listen to what everyone is saying. It is often used in situations where there is conflict or as William Isaacs, author of Dialogue and the Art of Thinking Together, describes it, “dialogue is more than just the exchange of words, but rather the embrace of different points of view—literally the art of thinking together”. Here is a list of ground rules that are typically used in a dialogue session: Listen and speak without judgement Acknowledge each speaker Respect differences Suspend your role and status Avoid cross-talk Focus on learning Check your assumptions Want to change your meetings so you can “get a word in edgewise”? Introduce the use of dialogue and offer to organize the first session. If your company or group already uses dialogue on a regular basis congratulations. I would love to hear about your experience. Here are two books that I’ve found useful: 1. On Dialogue by David Bohm published in 1996 and 2. Perspectives on Dialogue: Making Talk Developmental for Individuals and Organizations by Nancy M. Dixon also published in 1996. And if you are an introvert you probably have an advantage when it comes to using dialogue because you are wired to slow down and listen before you speak. What do you think? [contact-form][contact-field label=”Name” type=”name” required=”true” /][contact-field label=”Email” type=”email” required=”true” /][contact-field label=”Website” type=”url” /][contact-field label=”Message” type=”textarea” /][/contact-form]