Lesley Taylor - The Dynamic Introvert

Are You Introverted, Shy or Socially Anxious?

By Lesley TaylorPosted on November 29, 2014Posted in IntrovertsTagged Dr. Carducci, Drexel University, introversion, Lesley Taylor, Marti Olsen Laney, Personality Traits, shyness, Shyness Research Institute, social anxiety, The Dynamic Introvert, The Introvert Advantage

Can you tell the difference between introversion, shyness and social anxiety? Most of us can’t! I recently watched a You Tube video featuring two young men discussing their struggles with introversion, or was it shyness, or perhaps it was social anxiety? I don’t really know and I don’t think they knew the difference either. Unfortunately, they are not alone in confusing these different ways of describing someone’s behavior. You see these two young men made the common mistake of using the words introversion, shyness and social anxiety interchangeably—as if they were one and the same. But they’re not! When I Googled the word shyness I immediately noticed that the word introversion was one of the synonyms provided by the popular search engine. No wonder people are confused! So, why is this a problem? I think that the main issue here is that with the right help shyness can be overcome and social anxiety can be treated. But introversion does not need to be overcome nor can it be treated! It is a normal way of being in the world. Introversion is a personality trait and despite the growing number of books, videos, courses and blog posts available to us, there is still a lot of confusion about what it means to be an introvert. Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary defines it as “the state or tendency toward being wholly or predominantly concerned with or and interested in one’s own mental life”. Give me a break! I prefer the definition provided by author and self-described introvert Marti Olsen Laney, in her book The Introvert Advantage, “Introversion…is a healthy capacity to tune into your inner world. It is a constructive and creative quality that is found in many independent thinkers whose contributions have enriched the world. Introverts have social skills, they like people, and they enjoy some types of socializing.” Here’s another way of looking at introversion from psychology.about.com — “Introverts tend to be more quiet, reserved and introspective. Unlike extraverts who gain energy from social interaction, introverts have to expend energy in social situations. After attending a party or spending time in a large group of people, introverts often feel a need to “recharge” by spending a period of time alone.” Shyness is a fear and avoidance of social situations. According to Dr. Carducci, director of the Shyness Research Institute (SRI) at Indiana University Southeast we are not born shy. Shyness is characterized by three major features: excessive self-consciousness, excessive negative self-evaluation, and excessive negative self-preoccupation. Overcoming shyness starts with self-awareness. You’ll find useful tools and resources on the SRI website. And unlike introverts who feel energized by spending time alone, shy people often want to connect with others but are afraid to do so. Both introverts and extroverts can be shy. Social anxiety is the fear of interacting with others and when this fear becomes excessive and interferes with a person’s life it is considered a “disorder”. There is no known cause but the disorder is treatable. It has been said many times that the key to success in life is self-awareness. So, if you are wondering whether or not you are shy, introverted or socially anxious then it’s time you found out. The Dynamic Introvert!

What Are You Tolerating?

By Lesley TaylorPosted on October 4, 2014Posted in Introverts, LeadershipTagged Energy, introversion, Introverts, Leadership, personal energy, The Dynamic Introvert, The Introvert Advantage, tolerating

What Are You Tolerating? As a coach, “what are you tolerating in your life?” is a question that I often ask my clients. The purpose of the question is to help clients understand what might be getting in the way of their moving forward. Today I’d like to explore the question as it applies to our personal energy. It is difficult to feel energized about anything when one is mired in the detritus of the past. Another way of looking at this is to visualize a large, invisible sack, that you may be carrying around with you. Over the years, you may have found that this sack has become heavier and heavier as you continually add “stuff” to it. The amount and type of “stuff” that can be added is unlimited but people have told me that they feel weighted down by the following: Unresolved issues Old habits that no longer serve them Negative emotions about people or events Focusing on past failures These are things that we tolerate because we can’t or won’t let them go. Of course we all tolerate things that we shouldn’t: jobs that are boring or that don’t challenge us anymore, relationships that are toxic, behaviors (our own and others) that no longer serve us. Avoiding or tolerating is a huge drain on our energy and something that introverts need to pay particular attention to. According to Marti Olsen Laney in her book The Introvert Advantage, “Genetic research has shown that it takes introverts longer than extroverts to reconstitute themselves when they are depleted.” I thought about this recently after a friend mentioned her struggle to recover her energy. Understanding and managing our energy requirements is especially important for introverts, but this is no simple matter as our energy can be affected by numerous things: The weather Our fitness level Our diet Our sleep or lack of The quality of our relationships Our mental and physical health Other people’s expectations of us So, determining which, if any, of the above is affecting us is the first step in getting a handle on understanding our energy needs and how we might go about raising our energy levels. Because there are so many variables affecting our personal energy this may take some time but will be well worth it in the end. From an early age many of us are taught to accept life as it is. We learn to “get by” or to “tolerate” what is happening in our lives. But we don’t have to do this! We can identify the things that we tolerate and in doing so we can eliminate them from our lives. So, what are you tolerating? Lesley

What Makes a Dynamic Introvert?

By Lesley TaylorPosted on August 19, 2014Posted in IntrovertsTagged Dynamic Introverts, extroversion, introversion, Judy Curson, The Dynamic Introvert, Yellow Point Lodge1 Comment

Have you ever wondered what makes a dynamic introvert? As I was writing The Dynamic Introvert a lot of people asked me to describe the difference between introverts and extroverts. I was also asked if I could tell the difference between these two personality traits. As other writers have already tried to address this question in their books or on their websites I would like to take a different approach in this post. If I have learned one thing while researching and writing my book it is that we are all different and none of us can be “pigeon holed”. Of course there are introverts who are quiet and reserved. These are the people who prefer their own company to the company of others. But I believe that these introverts may be in the minority. This is due partly to the fact that introversion and extroversion exist on a continuum and that, like many things in life, the majority of us sit somewhere in the middle of the continuum and so we have the ability to shift one way or the other depending on which situation we find ourselves in. So, what makes us dynamic introverts? One of the most brilliant descriptions of a dynamic introvert comes from Judy Curson, a medical doctor in the UK who wrote, “I think many of us are dynamic. We just make less fuss and noise about being dynamic than some extraverts. Our energy and enthusiasm is often hidden from the external world.” Many of us are dynamic in the way that Judy describes but many of us are also very social and dynamic in the same way that extroverts can be dynamic. Words such as gregarious, outgoing, fun, interesting, and energetic could be used in place of dynamic here. These are words that I would use to describe the many dynamic introverts who I know and who could easily be mistaken for extroverts. The difference is that these dynamic introverts need “down time” or time to recharge their batteries. This spring my partner and I spent six days at Yellow Point Lodge on Vancouver Island. Yellow Point Lodge was built in the 1940s and hasn’t changed much over the years, or so I’m told. Guests stay in a variety of rustic cabins. Each cabin sits facing a body of water called The Stuart Channel. There is also accommodation on the second floor of the main lodge. The main floor of the lodge consists of a large communal dining room, kitchen, offices and a great room which has windows on two sides and a massive stone fireplace on the third. This is where people congregate before and after meals and at any time during the day when they are not outdoors enjoying the spectacular scenery. The dining room houses large round tables that seat 9 or 10 people. At each seating we have the opportunity to meet new people and interact with people we have gotten to know over the years. On the surface it appears that the majority of guests are extroverts, due to their outgoing, friendly, behavior. But I know, having stayed at Yellow Point for a number of years that things are not what they seem and in fact many of my fellow guests are in fact dynamic introverts. What is not so obvious, unless one looks for it, and what sets these dynamic introverts apart from their extroverted companions, is that the introverts often disappear throughout the day to recharge. They quietly leave the group and return to their rooms or go for solitary walks in the woods.

Are You A Type A Introvert?

By Lesley TaylorPosted on July 14, 2014Posted in Introverts, LeadershipTagged Blurting, Communication, Dynamic Introverts, Extroverts, Introverts, Leadership, Personality Types, Type A Personality, Type B Personality

Are you a Type A Introvert? Successful leaders are often thought to have Type A personalities. People with Type A personalities are described as being competitive and work obsessed…these people tend to be impatient and talk quickly…which sounds a bit like extroverted behavior. Type B personalities on the other hand are more relaxed, flexible, and laid back Of course, being a Type A personality is not the sole purview of extroverts. In fact, introverts can be just as competitive and work obsessed. We have no problem putting in long hours especially when we are working on something that we are passionate about. Just because we are introverts doesn’t mean we don’t want to get the highest grade in the class or be recognized for being top salesperson of the month. And because we are introverts we have one major advantage over extroverts: we can keep quiet about our how our work is progressing so as not to show our hand. Unlike extroverts who become energized by talking; we have no need to talk about the work we are doing, while we are doing it. However, we are similar to extroverts in that we can easily become impatient when we feel pressured to get something done. This impatience can manifest itself in the form of blurting. We will sit quietly watching the conversation go back and forth, thinking about what we want to say, and then if we are not given the chance to participate we BLURT out what we thinking. Over the years I’ve found myself blurting out my thoughts and ideas while conversing with others. When I finally became aware of what I was doing I tried to stop myself from doing this not realizing that this was due in part to my introversion. Recently I mentioned this to a friend. After giving my concern some consideration she agreed with me that as an introvert she too was “guilty” of blurting. Which leads me to my next question? What exactly is blurting? Just for fun I decided to check in with Google. According to the dictionary blurting means saying something suddenly and without careful consideration. Whoever wrote this definition does not know much about introverts. Introverts tend to blurt, but we do it after carefully considering what we want to say. In fact, we may have been thinking about what we want to say for some time and become frustrated by not having the opportunity to participate in the conversation. Am I a Type A introvert? You be the judge. For most of my adult life I worked full time at a demanding job, juggled my family, friends, and personal life (what personal life?) and attended graduate school…not once but twice. In those days I had a very short fuse and quickly became impatient when I was short on time, which was most days. These days I tend to be more laid back and relaxed, partly because I became aware of my Type A behavior and have worked hard to change it and partly because my life is not so hectic. Here is some additional information about Introversion that you may find interesting: Introversion: Signs, Types, & Misconceptions Anxiety Disorders: Types, Treatments, Symptoms & More

Do Introverts Really Prefer Solitude?

By Lesley TaylorPosted on June 4, 2014Posted in IntrovertsTagged entrepreneurs, introversion, Introverts, Leadership, Profit Guide, Richard Branson, solitude, The Dynamic Introvert2 Comments

Do Introverts Really Prefer Solitude? Recently the online magazine Profit Guide published a story about introverts, leadership and entrepreneurship. The article began with a story about Richard Branson the self-described introvert & entrepreneur who created the Virgin Group of companies. Yes, another high profile leader who is also an introvert. One of Profit Guide’s readers, who felt compelled to comment on this article, stated that the biggest different between introverts and extroverts is that introverts “prefer solitary activities to group situations”. I don’t agree. In fact, not all introverts prefer solitary activities to groups. The dynamic introverts among us, those who enjoy socializing and group activities have learned how to manage our energy. We may need some down time but that doesn’t mean that we prefer to do things on our own. We may just be more comfortable with solitude than many extroverts are. We know that introverts need down time or alone time and that this is especially important for leaders who have heavy demands on their time and energy. But is this what really differentiates introverts from extroverts? The other night I was a guest at a house party where two of the guests, both self-described introverts, were busy socializing in the kitchen most of the night. In comparison the host of the party, another introvert, spent most of his time either alone on the patio or sitting in the dark in the living room. Every so often he would appear in the kitchen for a quick chat, a drink, or a bite to eat and then he would retreat into solitude. So, when people think about introverts they may believe that we are all like Tom. Perhaps Tom is onto something. Spending time in solitude is not a bad thing, in fact lots of people are only now waking up to the benefits of spending time alone. Since writing The Dynamic Introvert I find myself increasingly fascinated by the behaviors of the introverts who I meet. We are all vastly different and it is not fair to paint us all with the same introverted brush. What we need to do is to recognize that we are all different and that no two introverts are alike. What do you think? Do introverts really prefer solitude to group activities?

Dynamic Introverts Lead With A Smile

By Lesley TaylorPosted on May 29, 2014Posted in IntrovertsTagged Communication Skills, Dynamic Introverts, Nonverbal Communication, Toastmasters

Dynamic Introverts Lead With A Smile! Have you remembered to smile today? For the more social of us smiling comes naturally but for many introverts we really do have to make an effort to smile and look happy. According to Linda Allen, member of the Enid Speakers Toastmasters Club in Oklahoma, happy, positive leaders motivate others. The challenge for introverts is that even when we are happy and feeling positive we may forget to smile. Through my Toastmaster’s training I have been encouraged to smile more often especially when speaking to groups. It’s not a huge leap for me but I do have to remind myself from time-to-time. Smiles are universal and even when we don’t speak the same language a smile goes a long way toward breaking the ice. I love walking on the trails near my home and find that when I smile at people from other cultures they inevitably smile back…and we have an instant connection. Often when I’m not smiling it is because I am thinking about something or I am distracted but I may come across as being unhappy, uninterested, bored, negative, withdrawn, or unapproachable. I am usually a happy and positive person but if I don’t smile how will people know? Here are some ideas to help you lead with a smile: • Become self-aware. Remember that great leaders are aware of their behavior and how they impact others. • Learn to recognize your behavior when you are with other people. Are you smiling? • Be authentic. If you are having a bad day or your team or organization is experiencing some challenges perhaps smiling will send the wrong message. • Practice smiling. Yes, practice. This is what we learn to do in Toastmasters. We practice until it become second nature…maybe not second nature but at least it comes more naturally. Most of our communication with other people is nonverbal. As dynamic introverts, being aware of how we come across to others is vital to our success as leaders.