The Dynamic Introvert

The Dynamic Introvert

Introverts Are Not Shy

By Lesley TaylorPosted on Posted in IntrovertsTagged , , , ,

Last week a young woman approached me at an author event I was participating in at the Surrey Public Library. She told me that she was fed up with people telling her she was shy. I understand her frustration but what I don’t understand is the persistent myth that introversion and shyness are the same. They’re not! Introversion and Shyness are Not the Same In 2014 I wrote “Introversion and shyness are often confused with each other. Shyness is a fear and avoidance of social situations. Unlike introverts who feel energized by spending time alone, shy people want to connect with others but are afraid to do so.” Last year author and psychologist Arlin Cuncic provided a similar definition for her article in Very Well Mind “Shyness and introversion are commonly mistaken as being the same thing. Shyness involves fear of negative evaluation (and shares some similarities with social anxiety) whereas introversion refers to a tendency toward becoming overstimulated and the need to be alone to gain energy.” I know a lot of introverts and I am pretty sure none of them are shy. Stop Labeling Introverts as Shy In fact, only about 15% of us are born with a tendency toward shyness. This may be biological or because of how our parents raise us. I’m also aware that it’s become too easy to label people. A few years ago one of my nephews announced that he had “social anxiety”. He was 16 at the time. He’s not alone of course. Every day it seems we are told that there is a mental health crisis and young people are most at risk. More recently another young family member was diagnosed with anxiety, depression and ADHD. At the time I thought “What does being labelled at a young age do to a person and how does someone cope with such a heavy burden? No matter what cards you are dealt it’s important to know who you are and what you are dealing with. There are plenty of ways to learn if you are introverted. The Myers-Briggs Personality Test has a long track record. Psychologists may be helpful especially if you are struggling with shyness and want to learn how to manage your anxiety. Helpful Suggestions for Overcoming Shyness Cuncic provides some great suggestions for shy individuals: Appreciate your strengths and build on them Start looking for opportunities to practice different social behaviors in different settings. This could be dropping in at a friend’s place, joining Toastmasters to practice public speaking or going to local gym. Use relaxation techniques like meditation and deep breathing to reduce feelings of anxiety. Introverts can also start by assessing their strengths and learning as much as they can about what it means to be introverted. When I was writing The Dynamic Introvert the number one take away for me was how to manage my energy.

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Do You Know Your Life Purpose?

By Lesley TaylorPosted on Posted in IntrovertsTagged , , , ,

Introverts who know and act on their life purpose will discover that they have more energy and find it easier to fight for what they believe in. We usually find it easier to get involved in things we are passionate about. Our passion is connected to our purpose. But what is passion? “A strong and barely controllable emotion.” Wikipedia Think about the introverts you know. Does this describe them? I know it doesn’t describe me although I have been known to be passionate about certain things. Usually things I’m passionate about are tied to my values: Community (including family and friends) Health (making exercise and diet a priority) Justice (speaking up when I see something morally or ethically wrong) Spirituality (recognizing that we are all connected) I started my career as a social worker and found myself speaking up and trying to make changes for seniors living in long term care. Back then some of the care homes were dirty, cramped and never had enough staff. The seniors who lived in these homes were vulnerable and more often than not had no voice. And these homes were often run for profit so instead of funneling profits back into the residences they were given to shareholders and owners.  Shareholders need a return on their investment but not at the expense of vulnerable people. How are passion, purpose and energy linked? What are you passionate about? What gets you up in the morning? You might be passionate about your family or about creating something beautiful. But if you look around your community you’ll see many areas that could use your help. The plight of seniors is just one concern. The number of problems that need addressing seems to grow daily: workplace safety, crowding in schools, bullying, environmental degradation, homelessness, drug addiction and on and on. In order to discover your purpose you may want to find a quiet place in order to reflect on what’s important to you.  Ask yourself when do I feel most alive? What am I doing? Who am I with? Some of us feel more alive outside in nature. Others when they are creating something like music or art or cooking or baking. Or helping others thrive You may know right away what your values are or this may take a bit of time. If you don’t know what your values are just yet and want to spend some time reflecting on what is important to you there are numerous websites and tools available on the internet. And how is all of this tied to leadership? Think about the leaders that you admire. Do you ever wonder how they do what they do? How they find the energy to fight for what they believe in day after day. Where do they get their energy from? Leaders such as Greta Thunberg, Barack Obama, Malala Yousafzai, Volodymyr Zelensky and Bonnie Raitt.  Some are outspoken leaders and some are quiet but they all feel passionately for what they believe in. Being a leader whether paid or voluntary can be tough. This is especially true for introverts as being in charge or leading a team will probably test you and zap your energy. Being involved in work you enjoy or find challenging in a positive way will help boost your energy. It will also make it easier for you to speak up. “When we are engaged in something we feel passionate about, it is easier to excel…and speak up.” Richard J. Leider. How Do You Find Your Purpose?  This brings us back to where we started. Do you know your life purpose? There are hundreds if not thousands of books and websites devoted to this topic. Here’s a practical book to get you started: The Power of Purpose: Creating Meaning in Your Life and Work was written by Richard J. Leider and published in 1997. A long time ago but the book is still a best seller.                          

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Introversion is My Superpower!

By Lesley TaylorPosted on Posted in IntrovertsTagged , , , , , , ,

It’s been 10 years since I wrote The Dynamic Introvert. Last fall I was curious to see what people were saying about introverts and what I found surprised me. The first articles I read focused on introversion as a superpower. The one written by Adrian at the London University was directed toward students. The other, an article which appeared in the Telegraph, was written by Helena Morrissey. Morrissey’s article was entitled “Being an Introvert is a Workplace Superpower.” Both articles were published in the fall of 2024. Progress is Slow But despite having made a lot of progress in the last ten years there is still a lot of work to be done. We are still not seen as equal to extroverts when it comes to our leadership abilities. How do I know that? “In October, 2024 The World Economic Forum reported that “When you look at the average salaries of different personality types, one overarching theme emerges: Extroverts tend to earn more than introverts.” Personality Impacts How Much You Earn. And there have been other studies looking at how personality traits, specifically introversion and extroversion, influence lifetime earnings and career prospects. Why, despite all of the work that’s been done to advance introverts, are we still seen as being lesser than? Of course since 2014 more and more companies have recognized the value of diversifying their leadership teams. And individuals are more likely to be aware of their personality traits and how to showcase them to their advantage. “In his 2002 bestseller, Good to Great, Jim Collins popularized the idea of “getting the right people on the bus”. He was referring to an organization’s mandate to hire employees with the right combination of skills, attitude, experience and knowledge. And while Collins was not thinking about personality types specifically, his findings support the need for a quiet leader, one who listens and creates opportunities for others to contribute their ideas. Introverts Make Great Leaders Introverts are ideal candidates for this leadership model; they present a hidden advantage in winning the “war for talent”. 10 years has passed and thanks to the groundbreaking work of authors Marti Olsen Laney, Laurie Helgoe, Susan Cain and others we know that being an introvert is something to be celebrated, even envied. Over the past 10 years we have learned a lot about introverts and introversion. Some even see introversion as a superpower but there is still a lot of work to do to combat the negative perceptions of introverts.      

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What Is A Dynamic Introvert?

By Lesley TaylorPosted on Posted in IntrovertsTagged , ,

“What is a dynamic introvert?” “What does the title of your book mean?” I was taken by surprise by Colleen’s questions. I thought about them for a moment and then I mumbled something unintelligible. As the author of The Dynamic Introvert: Leading Quietly with Passion and Purpose and an introvert myself I should have had the answers on the tip of my tongue. Colleen’s questions were spot on and my subconcious must have been on overdrive because shortly after I returned home, it hit me. The title of my book The Dynamic Introvert is a play on words. Perhaps not in the truest sense–according to Wikipedia a play on words is a literary technique, a form of wit, in which the words that are used become the main focus of the book. I certainly didn’t intend for The Dynamic Introvert to be a comedy (and there is nothing funny about how introverts are compared with extroverts and seen as wanting) when you feel overlooked and undervalued. What I did intend though was to grab the reader’s attention; to have them think about what it means to be an introvert and how our understanding of introverts and, in particular, introverted leaders, is changing. If I have learned one thing while researching and writing The Dynamic Introvert it is that we are all very different and none of us can be pigeon-holed. Of course there are introverts who are quiet and reserved. These introverts may prefer their own company to the company of others. But most of the introverts I’ve met along the way defy how introverts are typically portrayed. One of the most brilliant descriptons of a dynamic introvert comes from Judy Curson, a physician and educator in the U.K. who wrote, “I think many of us are dynamic. We just make less fuss and noise about being dynamic than some extraverts. Our energy and enthusiasm is often hidden from the external world.” Many of us are dynamic in the way that Dr. Curson describes. We can be social and dynamic the same way extroverts can be dynamic. Words such as gregarious, outgoing, fun, interesting and energetic could be used in place of dynamic here. These are words that I would use to describe the many dynamic introverts who I know and who could easily be mistaken  for extroverts.  Unlike extroverts who recharge by being with other people; dynamic introverts need down time to recharge their batteries. The above is an excerpt from an earlier blog post.

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Writing Is Hard Work But Worth It

By Lesley TaylorPosted on Posted in IntrovertsTagged , , , ,

Is writing easier for introverts? Great writers know that spending time alone working on their craft is the key to success. For this reason writing may provide the perfect career choice for introverts. As best-selling author John Green said, “Writing is something you do alone.” But just because we are introverts and enjoy spending time alone doesn’t mean we will become great writers or that we will find writing easy. Writing is hard work! I love to write and over the years I’ve written blog posts, articles and a non-fiction book which I self-published. Now I’m working on my first novel. During the pandemic I started my novel with a bang. I thought I was doing all the right things (more about this in future posts) but what I didn’t anticipate was writer’s block. About halfway through the first draft of my manuscript I ran out of gas, juice, enthusiasm. Call it what you will but I had hit the wall. I couldn’t write. What was I afraid of? Years ago when I published The Dynamic Introvert: Leading Quietly with Passion and Purpose I expected (hoped) people would read my work and I wanted it to be perfect. After publishing The Dynamic Introvert I found myself waking up at night thinking “what have I done?” I was terrified of being criticized. More recently I’ve been looking into what creates writers block and came across the blog A Brilliant Mind written by Dr. Gayannee Kedia who is a neuroscientist, psychologist and mentor. Dr. Kedia’s on-line questionnaire and guide helped me understand that the root of my writer’s block is perfectionism. Perfectionism and writing don’t mix. And this might explain why I stopped writing for over a year. Deep down inside I was afraid of being criticized.  And this criticism can feel like we are being attacked personally. No matter what we write it will be personal on some level. We will leave a part of ourself on the page in full view for others to see. Memoirs are probably the most personal but no matter what genre, our writing is an expression of who we are. Is There An Answer? In my pursuit of an answer I came across a lot of suggestions from other writers. Finally I started doing timed-writings: 15 minutes became 30 minutes and 30 minutes became an hour. I discovered this idea in a Writer’s Digest interview with Jesse Q. Sutanto author of Dial A for Murder and other best selling books. When writing her books Jesse uses a timer to keep her on track.  Each day she does 4 x 15 minute sessions during which time she writes 2000 words. And then she stops. No editing. She goes on to something else and then the next day she repeats the process. I also kept reading about “the messy first draft” and it finally hit me. I just need to keep writing even if it’s nonsense. I don’t think anyone actually said this but that’s how I interpret it. Keep going! I have to remind myself to get those 85,000 words on the page and then I can start editing. Writing may be perfect for introverts but it won’t necessarily be easy. What works for you? How do you keep going day after day, month after month? Happy writing!  

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Writing About Writing

By Lesley TaylorPosted on Posted in IntrovertsTagged , , ,

Yesterday I attended a presentation hosted by the Vancouver Writers Fest. The speaker, Daniel Levitin — psychologist, neuroscientist, musician and best-selling author, told the audience that it was not unusual for him to write 50 drafts of a manuscript before moving onto the next step. 50 drafts! Hearing Levitin’s confession I was suddenly taken back to a writer’s festival in Richmond many years ago. One of the authors presenting told the audience that it took him 10 years to finish his book. I remember thinking how ridiculous. But, since then I have come across successful authors who have taken even longer from start to finish usually with years when there was no writing going on at all. I’m not that young and don’t have the luxury of taking 10 or more years to finish my book. But I am now feeling that it’s time to continue working on my manuscript. The challenge for me will be to make it messy and focus on getting the words on the page. I have been struggling to finish the first draft of my novel The Mexican Connection. This is the working title of course and I’m pretty sure it will change more than once before its published. Perhaps it’s an understatement to say that I’ve been struggling. After a pretty good start in which I wrote 45,000 words I stopped writing period. I stopped writing blog posts, I stopped writing articles and sadly I stopped writing my novel. Writing is a confusing venture at the best of times. But writing a mystery novel can be tricky. As with any novel you need an intriguing story that makes readers want to keep turning the pages. But you also need to keep the reader guessing. Who is the villain? What’s the story behind the story? You have to create a challenging whodunit but not so challenging that readers can’t solve the crime. Everyone has their reasons for hitting the wall. I think I was trying too hard to write the perfect first draft. In the meantime, I’m learning the craft of writing mysteries.        

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