The Dynamic Introvert

The Dynamic Introvert

Mindfulness For The Overthinking Introvert

By Lesley TaylorPosted on Posted in IntrovertsTagged , , , , , , , , , ,

Mindfulness for the Overthinking Introvert Mindfulness is a super power and accessible to you anytime, says Dan Harris author and former ABC news anchor. I’ve often wondered if overthinking or ruminating is more common for introverts. I think we spend more time “in our heads” thinking about things. That’s how we process new information and how we re-energize. Extroverts, on the other hand prefer to process new information by talking with someone. It’s also how they re-energize.  Is one approach healthier than the other? Of course not! Neither approach is superior; it’s just the way we are wired. But if you are like me and have lost sleep worrying about something or missed out on an opportunity because you took too long to make a decision you may want to find ways to stop overthinking. What exactly is rumination anyway? According to one dictionary ruminating mean deep thinking. Put this way it doesn’t seem so bad. We all admire deep thinkers over people who don’t seem to have a serious thought in their heads. Like me, you have probably spent time thinking about the state of the world, about the forest fires burning in California and the Amazon jungle, or the huge pile of plastic that is floating around in the Pacific Ocean. I hate to admit it but I have spent sleepless nights laying awake worrying about these things. Thinks I really can’t do much about, at least not while I’m trying to sleep. The end result, apart from not sleeping, has been an increase in feeling anxious and scared. Yes, rumination does have a negative side and it can lead to anxiety and depression if we don’t become aware of how our ruminating is hurting us.  And it can lead to isolation if you spend so much time in your head that it prevents you from spending time with other people. Are introverts prone to overthinking. According to scientists, the two areas of the brain associated with overthinking — the frontal cortex and Broca’s area — are very active in introverts. The frontal cortex is the part of the brain responsible for remembering, planning, decision-making, and problem-solving, while Broca’s area is associated with self-talk. Researchers found that it didn’t matter whether introverts were in a resting state or engaged in a task — they all showed more brain activity than the extroverts. This means introverts may process more information than extroverts per second, which helps explain why introverts are prone to overthinking. ! So, how to stop yourself from ruminating/worrying? One way is to try and stop the worrying thoughts. Easier said than done but mindfulness really is a superpower and a set of skills that can be learned fairly easily. What is mindfulness? “Mindfulness is “moment to moment awareness” wrote Jon Kabat-Zinn in his groundbreaking book, Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain and Illness. There are different ways to learn how to be mindful. Some years ago, I had high blood pressure and signed up for an 8-week Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) course taught by psychologist Marian Smith in Vancouver. After the course and practicing mindfulness regularly for a short period of time my BP was back to normal. MBSR is modeled after the course that Jon Kabat-Zinn developed at the University of Massachusetts Medical School. There are many ways to learn mindfulness meditation both on-line and in person. One of the most successful examples of how the use of mindfulness provides tangible benefits comes from Google in the form of the Search Inside Yourself (SIY) program. What began as the vision of Google engineer Chade-Meng Tan back in 2007 has now become a worldwide phenomenon. SIY is available to individuals, organizations and communities in 50 countries around the world. The course is based on the best-selling book: Search Inside Yourself: The Unexpected Path to Achieving Success, Happiness (and world peace) by Chade-Meng Tan. If you are an introvert who would like to lead a more mindful life you have many options to chose from. Do a bit of research and pick one to start with. Maybe try taking 3 deep breaths when you are feeling overwhelmed. Or sign up for a mindfulness mediation course on-line or in person. One final suggestion, try not to spend too much time thinking about which one approach might work for you. All are proven to be beneficial. Cheers! @lesleyauthor    

Read More

Tips for Introverts Struggling with Anxiety

By Lesley TaylorPosted on Posted in IntrovertsTagged , , , ,

Tips for Introverts Struggling with Anxiety Is anxiety more of a problem for introverts? I’ve always thought so! A lot of people struggle to cope with anxiety and I wondered if this was more of a problem for introverts as we tend to spend a lot of time rehashing our thoughts. Too Much Anxiety Can Be Bad for Our Health Everyone suffers from anxiety at some point but too much anxiety can affect our well-being in a negative way. Even though anxiety is considered a negative state and something to be avoided at all costs, anxiety may have benefits such as motivating us to take action. But too much internal dialogue can set off a downward spiral of negative feelings. And indeed, anxiety and depression are more common among introverts than extroverts. What’s an Introvert to Do? If you want to get a handle on your anxiety, you’ll need to discover what’s causing you to feel anxious. Do you have financial worries that keep you up at night? Maybe you are looking for work and are feeling anxious about having to go through job interviews. Health concerns are another common cause of worry. Perhaps you have to give a talk at work or at school and you hate public speaking. In addition to these common worries, if you are an introvert you may become anxious because you are thinking too much. Researchers have found that when they looked at the brain activity of introverts AND extroverts it was the introverts who had the highest levels of brain activity. Introverts have a preference for solitude for a reason. It seems that carving out some quiet time throughout the day is essential for our mental health. What Can You Do to Reduce Anxiety? Trying to think your way out of a stressful situation will probably only make it worse. Instead you may want to try something different: Learn to meditate. Mindfulness meditation helps us to become aware of our thoughts when they pop into our head. Meditating helps us to to recognize our thoughts and then tell them to go away instead of rehashing them over and over. It’s not easy to meditate on a regular basis but it is a skill that can be learned and the effort will be well worth it. After struggling to meditate on my own I took classes which made all the difference in the world. Take up drumming. For those of you who prefer being active drumming is a fun form of meditation that requires us to focus. I joined a drumming circle last year and quickly learned that if I let my mind wander I couldn’t keep rhythm with the rest of the group. And, of course, just about any kind of exercise has been proven to reduce anxiety. The important thing is that with a bit of effort you can reduce your anxiety levels. Meditation, drumming and physical exercise are just a few of the things that work for me.    

Read More

10 Leadership Tips for Introverts

By Lesley TaylorPosted on Posted in IntrovertsTagged , ,

Some of the most successful leaders in the world are introverts. What are the secrets to their success? Here are 10 leadership tips to get you started: Tap into your quiet power by connecting to your passion, values and purpose. There is a lot of power in the spoken word. Share your passion and purpose with others.   Develop your personal brand. Start by identifying what makes you unique. You can do part of this work on your own but you will also need to ask others for their opinion of what differentiates you from the crowd.   Learn how to say “no”. Research conducted at the University of California, San Francisco, showed that the more difficulty that you have saying no, the more likely you are to experience stress, burnout, and even depression. Author Randy J. Paterson, writes that “assertiveness is about developing the courage to be yourself.”   Develop a personal vision. Experts tell us that having a personal vision is the single most important thing we can do in order to succeed in life. Perhaps our biggest challenge is that all day, every day, our senses are inundated with “data”. In other words, we are in a state of constant stimulation. To counter this, and to find the time to dream about the type of future we would like to create, we need to carve out some time just be “be”.   People with a lot of energy are more productive, creative and have a positive influence on others. But don’t confuse energy with activity. Introverts may be better at storing energy for when it is needed.   Become a “conscious introvert”. By understanding what it means to be introverted you will gain a clearer understanding of who you are. By becoming conscious of who you are you will inevitably develop into a better leader.   Stop thinking so much! Mindfulness meditation is a great way to learn how to do this. There are lots of good books on the subject but I would recommend taking a course with a certified instructor. Then it is up to you to practice. The more you practice the more confident you’ll become as a leader.   Develop your listening skills. Introverts may make better leaders because they listen to what others have to say. But sometimes we appear to be listening when, in fact, our minds are busy processing what we have just heard or we are searching for the right words.   Don’t go it alone! Whatever you want to call it–Dream Team, Mastermind Group—it pays to surround yourself with people who will support you, champion you, listen to you, challenge you and tell you the truth. Successful people, including many successful leaders know when to ask for help. It’s a sign of strength not a weakness.   Set reasonable goals and as you move forward enjoy the journey! Sometimes we get so hung up on getting the perfect results that we make ourselves and those around us miserable. Perfectionism takes the spontaneity out of life. So, stop thinking and micro-managing and learn to enjoy your successes.   Information on leadership development is available from The Dynamic Introvert.  Here’s to your success!

Read More

Introverts Can Be Assertive Too!

By Lesley TaylorPosted on Posted in IntrovertsTagged , , , , , ,

INTROVERTS CAN BE ASSERTIVE TOO! Why do so many of us struggle to find the courage to speak up?  Over the years I struggled to be assertive. For some reason I found it easier when I was defending my family or the people I worked with. Once I witnessed a man bullying another man in the hospital where I worked. I didn’t speak up and my lack of action haunted me for a long, long time. WHAT IS ASSERTIVENESS? Assertiveness is the ability to “honestly express your opinions, feelings, attitudes, and rights, in a way that doesn’t infringe on the rights of others.” According to Vancouver author and psychologist Randy J. Paterson, “assertiveness is a style and it is one of four styles which include passive, aggressive and passive-aggressive.” Being passive, aggressive or passive-aggressive can have negative connotations. When we are too passive or too aggressive, we may find that our mental health suffers. These behaviors are associated with anxiety, depression and lack of confidence. We all use these styles at different times although most of us use one of styles more than the others. You probably have some idea of which style you prefer but if not Psychology Today provides a good test that you can use. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/tests/personality/assertiveness-test SUGGESTIONS FOR INTROVERTS Introverts are often seen as being passive because we tend to be quiet and often keep our thoughts to ourselves. If we can’t get our point across, we risk being ignored or worse, find ourselves the target of the workplace bully. In the recent issue of Canadian Living Magazine author Liza Findlay shared some thoughts on how to be more assertive in the face of discrimination or bullying, here are a couple of her suggestions: Speak up without saying a word. Non-verbal communication speaks volumes. Use assertive body language such as maintaining direct eye contact and keeping your head up. Use hand gestures to indicate “no” or “stop” and don’t forget to breathe. Focusing on your breath can be very calming Get Backup: Find allies, people who are also concerned about the same things you are and work together to raise your concerns. Does your company’s culture need a refit? Contact someone in the human resources department. Most organizations today are aware of the impact of bullying and want to avoid negative press. ASSERTIVENESS IS A SKILL THAT CAN BE LEARNED! It takes courage to speak up and there could be repercussions so be sure to weigh the risks.   As with any skill assertiveness does get easier with practice. Toastmasters is a great place to develop your skills and find your voice.     

Read More

Introverts, are you lonely at work?

By Lesley TaylorPosted on Posted in IntrovertsTagged , , , ,

Introverts, are you lonely? More specifically, are you lonely at work? That question was asked as part of a 2018 Global Work Connectivity Study conducted by Morar Consulting and Future Workplace. The findings may surprise you. “Workers spend almost 50% of each day on digital vs in-person communication and more than half feel lonely as a result. And perhaps the most surprising finding of all was that introverts (63%) feel lonely more often than extroverts (37%). As an introvert myself I rarely ever feel lonely. I enjoy reading, writing, reflecting, walking, cooking, yoga all things that I can do on my own. Not that I don’t like to socialize but my socializing tends to be in small doses. So why so many lonely introverts in the workplace? The study didn’t go into a lot of detail so I will share some of my thoughts about this intriguing puzzle. Could it be that introverts don’t have a best friend to confide in? As far back as 1999, The Gallop Organization, was asking employees the question “Do you have a best friend at work?”. And according to writer Annamarie Mann this is the most controversial question that Gallop asked in 30 years of employee engagement research. This question remains controversial because many managers don’t believe that socializing with friends is a priority in the workplace. Mann goes on to say that we spend most of our waking hours at work and it’s only natural that we  want to feel connected to the people we work with. In the absence of having work friends we feel lonely and isolated. Just because we prefer our own company doesn’t mean we don’t want to be included in social activities with colleagues at work. Some of us remember all too clearly what it felt like when we were picked last for team activities in gym class at school. For me it was devastating! Introverts are often misunderstood because of the way we communicate. We often hesitate to answer questions, sit quietly in meetings or group situations and let others carry the conversation. Or we don’t show up at all, preferring to hide out in our offices while the more social extroverts are working together. Or, maybe, we are highly sensitive. 70% of introverts are highly sensitive according to psychologist and author Elaine Aron. Aron wrote The Highly Sensitive Person to educate us about the challenges that HSP face. Another psychologist, Marti Olsen Laney, was one of the first people to write about introverts and introversion. Back in 2002 she wrote the bestseller The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in and Extroverted World. In her book Laney has this to say about why introverts seem to be antisocial: “It’s easy to see why introverts can appear self-absorbed or uninterested, because we shut down external stimulation when we have had enough. Why? We need to compare external experiences to our own internal experience, attempting to understand new information against our old information…extroverts are also focused on the self, but in a different way. Extroverts like socializing and require the company of others.” Besides introversion and extroversion there may be other aspects of our personalities that influence how we feel at work. The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator or MBTI measures four areas of our personalities: Introvert/Extrovert: How or where we get our energy. Sensing/Intuition: How we take in information. Thinking/Feeling: How we make decisions/come to conclusions after we have taken in the information. Judgement/Perception: How we approach the world in general. Introverts who score high on F for feeling have a stronger need to socialize with people than introverts who score higher on the thinking preference. Let’s return to the study that I started with at the beginning of this post. As with a lot of studies this one leaves me with more questions than answers. Best not to take the findings at face value. Instead dig a little deeper into why introverts are lonely in the workplace and find ways to help them feel more connected! What do you think?  

Read More

Is Your Voice Being Heard? 5 Tips for Quiet Introverted Leaders

By Lesley TaylorPosted on Posted in IntrovertsTagged , , , , , , ,

Introverts are often described as being quiet and shy so it should come as no surprise to readers of my blog that introverts also struggle to express themselves in meetings and other large group settings. To make things worse many of us are also prone to ungraciously blurting out what we want to say. I believe that introverts are more likely to interrupt the flow of a conversation by blurting out their thoughts than extroverts are. And we do this because after we have spent some time thinking quietly about what is being said we want to share our ideas and  because we haven’t learned how to interrupt gracefully (see below) we just blurt out what we want to say. So what’s an introvert to do especially one who wants to share her ideas and/or develop as a leader and get recognized for her contribution? One approach that may sound counter intuitive is learn to interrupt! That’s right! But many of us grew up believing that interrupting other people is rude. In the March, 2018 issue of Toastmasters magazine author Karen Friedman has some tips for those of us who would like to develop our interruption skills, starting with a quote from Madeleine Albright: “If you are going to interrupt, you have to know what you’re talking about. And you have to do it in a strong voice.” Fortunately Friedman’s article has some suggestions for how to do this. Here are 5 notable ways to interrupt politely: Start by saying, “please excuse me” before you interrupt Highlight what the last person said and then say “What do you think if we also do this or that?” Look for opportunities to ask a question or to clarify what someone else has said Put up your hand to signal that you have something to say Be prepared No. 5 is especially true at work. If you are going to a meeting or work related group try and find out as much as you can about what the main topic is going to be. This will allow you to think about what you want to say and strategize  when you could interrupt most effectively. Good meeting facilitators will provide you with an agenda beforehand and if they don’t it is up to you to ask for one. Of course it’s not always possible to “be prepared” for everything that might come up during your meetings and that is why Toastmasters is such an amazing resource for introverts. Every TM meeting involves opportunities for members to answer questions and speak extemporaneously. In other words we get to practice speaking without any advance preparation. This part of the TM program is called Table Topics. The person in charge of Table Topics will introduce a theme and ask questions related to that theme. This is probably one of the most challenging aspects of learning how to speak in public. Fortunately it does become easier and it’s usually a lot of fun.  

Read More
Scroll to top