Introverts Can Be Assertive Too!

INTROVERTS CAN BE ASSERTIVE TOO! Why do so many of us struggle to find the courage to speak up?  Over the years I struggled to be assertive. For some reason I found it easier when I was defending my family or the people I worked with. Once I witnessed a man bullying another man in the hospital where I worked. I didn’t speak up and my lack of action haunted me for a long, long time. WHAT IS ASSERTIVENESS? Assertiveness is the ability to “honestly express your opinions, feelings, attitudes, and rights, in a way that doesn’t infringe on the rights of others.” According to Vancouver author and psychologist Randy J. Paterson, “assertiveness is a style and it is one of four styles which include passive, aggressive and passive-aggressive.” Being passive, aggressive or passive-aggressive can have negative connotations. When we are too passive or too aggressive, we may find that our mental health suffers. These behaviors are associated with anxiety, depression and lack of confidence. We all use these styles at different times although most of us use one of styles more than the others. You probably have some idea of which style you prefer but if not Psychology Today provides a good test that you can use. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/tests/personality/assertiveness-test SUGGESTIONS FOR INTROVERTS Introverts are often seen as being passive because we tend to be quiet and often keep our thoughts to ourselves. If we can’t get our point across, we risk being ignored or worse, find ourselves the target of the workplace bully. In the recent issue of Canadian Living Magazine author Liza Findlay shared some thoughts on how to be more assertive in the face of discrimination or bullying, here are a couple of her suggestions: Speak up without saying a word. Non-verbal communication speaks volumes. Use assertive body language such as maintaining direct eye contact and keeping your head up. Use hand gestures to indicate “no” or “stop” and don’t forget to breathe. Focusing on your breath can be very calming Get Backup: Find allies, people who are also concerned about the same things you are and work together to raise your concerns. Does your company’s culture need a refit? Contact someone in the human resources department. Most organizations today are aware of the impact of bullying and want to avoid negative press. ASSERTIVENESS IS A SKILL THAT CAN BE LEARNED! It takes courage to speak up and there could be repercussions so be sure to weigh the risks.   As with any skill assertiveness does get easier with practice. Toastmasters is a great place to develop your skills and find your voice.     

How Does Meditation Help Introverts Succeed?

  How Does Meditation Help Introverts Succeed? The other week I participated in a meditation workshop at Tandava Yoga in Kelowna, B.C. While I was sitting on my mat I started thinking about how meditation might be of benefit to introverts. The purpose of meditation is to help us quiet our minds and over the years research has proven that meditation can help us to, among other things, reduce high blood pressure, sleep better, and improve our body’s immune functioning. In fact, meditation even helps students achieve better grades in school. But how can meditation help introverts to succeed? Stephen A Diamond, PhD writing in Psychology Today suggests that meditation is an “introverted activity one that extroverts should do more of and introverts less”. Diamond argues that introverts need to spend more time extroverting themselves in order to find balance in their lives. Fair enough. Getting back to the meditation class at Tandava Yoga, our instructor informed us that humans are capable of processing 2000 thoughts per hour. Those of you familiar with meditation will know about the “monkey brain” which refers to how our thoughts jump around in our heads not unlike a monkey jumping from tree to tree. I believe that the concept of the “monkey brain” applies equally to both introverts and extroverts. And I have to disagree with Dr. Diamond. Meditation may be an “introverted activity” in that it is typically done quietly but I believe that introverts should spend more time meditating, not less. You see, introverts tend to think too much. We like to spend time in our heads and when this activity is combined with the excess dopamine that naturally occurs in our introverted brains we are in danger of being overstimulated.  And this is what saps our energy and why we need to meditate in order to help us calm down and function better! There are many different types of meditation but the one thing that is common to all of them is learning how to slow down and focus on our breath. I found the following passage from Thich Nhat Hanh. It is called Thinking Less: “While we practice conscious breathing, our thinking will slow down, and we can give ourselves a real rest. Most of the time, we think too much, and mindful breathing helps us to be calm, relaxed, and peaceful…Of course, thinking is important, but quite a lot of our thinking is useless.” As an introvert thinking is my “fall-back position”. Even in a social situation I will often resort to thinking about what is going on or what I might say rather than just saying it. This is the exact opposite of what an extrovert will do. Most extroverts are more comfortable talking and don’t get stuck with words going round and round inside their heads. Meditation is an important skill for introverts to learn. It can help us to get control over our “monkey brain” so that we can focus on what we want to say or do. This is especially true when we are in situations where there are a lot of distractions because these external distractions make it difficult for us to think clearly. Meditation can also provide what Dr. Brian Little calls a “restorative niche”. This is the place we can go to in order to de-stress and re-energize.

Take a Break: Your Life May Depend on It!

  Take A Break – Your Life May Depend on It  The government in Japan recently announced that it is considering a new law requiring workers to take a minimum number of vacations days each year. Why? Japanese workers are renowned for karoshi or “working themselves to death”. In the rest of the world we may not be “working ourselves to death” but our inability to stop and take a break from work is having a negative impact in other ways. A short article in the February, 2015 issue of Psychology Today magazine begins with “Workers who take the most breaks get the most accomplished” and goes on to describe a study from the University of Illinois that specifically looked at the link between taking breaks and worker’s ability to focus.  Not surprisingly, those who stopped to take a short break about once every hour were more productive. Which begs the question: Why is it so difficult for most of us to stop and take our breaks? In a 2014 study, Staples, the giant office supply chain,  discovered that more than a quarter of us don’t take regular breaks because we feel guilty. Recently I emailed a colleague who works in health care. I wanted her to join me for lunch as we hadn’t been in touch for a long time. I know that she puts in long hours each day but she declined my offer saying that her place of work was now “a “human tsunami” resulting in even more demands on her limited time and making it impossible for her to meet me for lunch. In The Dynamic Introvert: Leading Quietly with Passion and Purpose, I encourage introverts to become aware of their need to take breaks in order to manage their energy requirements. Although introverts and extroverts have different approaches to recharging their batteries and we all need to stop work and take our breaks, introverts in particular need to stop working and detach themselves mentally in order to restore their energy.  Introverts also need to communicate why it is important for them to take a break and how this benefits the organization. For instance, instead of leaving your desk or workspace quietly, without saying anything, you might want to tell your colleagues why you are taking a break. “I’ve had back-to-back meetings all morning and I need to go for a walk.” Some of you can’t stop working except during your scheduled breaks. You have earned this respite so make sure you use that time to do what is important for you. Remember,  by taking your regular breaks you will be more productive and less stressed. This may be difficult at first and you may feel guilty but you will also make it easier for others to stop and take their breaks. So, take a break, your life may depend on it!  

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