Introverts Are Not Shy

Last week a young woman approached me at an author event I was participating in at the Surrey Public Library. She told me that she was fed up with people telling her she was shy. I understand her frustration but what I don’t understand is the persistent myth that introversion and shyness are the same. They’re not! Introversion and Shyness are Not the Same In 2014 I wrote “Introversion and shyness are often confused with each other. Shyness is a fear and avoidance of social situations. Unlike introverts who feel energized by spending time alone, shy people want to connect with others but are afraid to do so.” Last year author and psychologist Arlin Cuncic provided a similar definition for her article in Very Well Mind “Shyness and introversion are commonly mistaken as being the same thing. Shyness involves fear of negative evaluation (and shares some similarities with social anxiety) whereas introversion refers to a tendency toward becoming overstimulated and the need to be alone to gain energy.” I know a lot of introverts and I am pretty sure none of them are shy. Stop Labeling Introverts as Shy In fact, only about 15% of us are born with a tendency toward shyness. This may be biological or because of how our parents raise us. I’m also aware that it’s become too easy to label people. A few years ago one of my nephews announced that he had “social anxiety”. He was 16 at the time. He’s not alone of course. Every day it seems we are told that there is a mental health crisis and young people are most at risk. More recently another young family member was diagnosed with anxiety, depression and ADHD. At the time I thought “What does being labelled at a young age do to a person and how does someone cope with such a heavy burden? No matter what cards you are dealt it’s important to know who you are and what you are dealing with. There are plenty of ways to learn if you are introverted. The Myers-Briggs Personality Test has a long track record. Psychologists may be helpful especially if you are struggling with shyness and want to learn how to manage your anxiety. Helpful Suggestions for Overcoming Shyness Cuncic provides some great suggestions for shy individuals: Appreciate your strengths and build on them Start looking for opportunities to practice different social behaviors in different settings. This could be dropping in at a friend’s place, joining Toastmasters to practice public speaking or going to local gym. Use relaxation techniques like meditation and deep breathing to reduce feelings of anxiety. Introverts can also start by assessing their strengths and learning as much as they can about what it means to be introverted. When I was writing The Dynamic Introvert the number one take away for me was how to manage my energy.

Are You Introverted, Shy or Socially Anxious?

Can you tell the difference between introversion, shyness and social anxiety? Most of us can’t!  I recently watched a You Tube video featuring two young men discussing their struggles with introversion, or was it shyness, or perhaps it was social anxiety? I don’t really know and I don’t think they knew the difference either. Unfortunately, they are not alone in confusing these different ways of describing someone’s behavior. You see these two young men made the common mistake of using the words introversion, shyness and social anxiety interchangeably—as if they were one and the same. But they’re not! When I Googled the word shyness I immediately noticed that the word introversion was one of the synonyms provided by the popular search engine. No wonder people are confused! So, why is this a problem? I think that the main issue here is that with the right help shyness can be overcome and social anxiety can be treated.  But introversion does not need to be overcome nor can it be treated! It is a normal way of being in the world. Introversion is a personality trait and despite the growing number of books, videos, courses and blog posts available to us, there is still a lot of confusion about what it means to be an introvert. Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary defines it as “the state or tendency toward being wholly or predominantly concerned with or and interested in one’s own mental life”. Give me a break! I prefer the definition provided by author and self-described introvert Marti Olsen Laney, in her book The Introvert Advantage, “Introversion…is a healthy capacity to tune into your inner world. It is a constructive and creative quality that is found in many independent thinkers whose contributions have enriched the world. Introverts have social skills, they like people, and they enjoy some types of socializing.” Here’s another way of looking at introversion from psychology.about.com — “Introverts tend to be more quiet, reserved and introspective. Unlike extraverts who gain energy from social interaction, introverts have to expend energy in social situations. After attending a party or spending time in a large group of people, introverts often feel a need to “recharge” by spending a period of time alone.” Shyness is a fear and avoidance of social situations. According to Dr. Carducci, director of the Shyness Research Institute (SRI) at Indiana University Southeast we are not born shy. Shyness is characterized by three major features: excessive self-consciousness, excessive negative self-evaluation, and excessive negative self-preoccupation. Overcoming shyness starts with self-awareness. You’ll find useful tools and resources on the SRI website. And unlike introverts who feel energized by spending time alone, shy people often want to connect with others but are afraid to do so. Both introverts and extroverts can be shy. Social anxiety is the fear of interacting with others and when this fear becomes excessive and interferes with a person’s life it is considered a “disorder”. There is no known cause but the disorder is treatable. It has been said many times that the key to success in life is self-awareness.  So, if you are wondering whether or not you are shy, introverted or socially anxious then it’s time you found out.     The Dynamic Introvert!      

Scroll to top