The Dynamic Introvert - The Dynamic Introvert

Are You Introverted, Shy or Socially Anxious?

By Lesley TaylorPosted on November 29, 2014Posted in IntrovertsTagged Dr. Carducci, Drexel University, introversion, Lesley Taylor, Marti Olsen Laney, Personality Traits, shyness, Shyness Research Institute, social anxiety, The Dynamic Introvert, The Introvert Advantage

Can you tell the difference between introversion, shyness and social anxiety? Most of us can’t! I recently watched a You Tube video featuring two young men discussing their struggles with introversion, or was it shyness, or perhaps it was social anxiety? I don’t really know and I don’t think they knew the difference either. Unfortunately, they are not alone in confusing these different ways of describing someone’s behavior. You see these two young men made the common mistake of using the words introversion, shyness and social anxiety interchangeably—as if they were one and the same. But they’re not! When I Googled the word shyness I immediately noticed that the word introversion was one of the synonyms provided by the popular search engine. No wonder people are confused! So, why is this a problem? I think that the main issue here is that with the right help shyness can be overcome and social anxiety can be treated. But introversion does not need to be overcome nor can it be treated! It is a normal way of being in the world. Introversion is a personality trait and despite the growing number of books, videos, courses and blog posts available to us, there is still a lot of confusion about what it means to be an introvert. Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary defines it as “the state or tendency toward being wholly or predominantly concerned with or and interested in one’s own mental life”. Give me a break! I prefer the definition provided by author and self-described introvert Marti Olsen Laney, in her book The Introvert Advantage, “Introversion…is a healthy capacity to tune into your inner world. It is a constructive and creative quality that is found in many independent thinkers whose contributions have enriched the world. Introverts have social skills, they like people, and they enjoy some types of socializing.” Here’s another way of looking at introversion from psychology.about.com — “Introverts tend to be more quiet, reserved and introspective. Unlike extraverts who gain energy from social interaction, introverts have to expend energy in social situations. After attending a party or spending time in a large group of people, introverts often feel a need to “recharge” by spending a period of time alone.” Shyness is a fear and avoidance of social situations. According to Dr. Carducci, director of the Shyness Research Institute (SRI) at Indiana University Southeast we are not born shy. Shyness is characterized by three major features: excessive self-consciousness, excessive negative self-evaluation, and excessive negative self-preoccupation. Overcoming shyness starts with self-awareness. You’ll find useful tools and resources on the SRI website. And unlike introverts who feel energized by spending time alone, shy people often want to connect with others but are afraid to do so. Both introverts and extroverts can be shy. Social anxiety is the fear of interacting with others and when this fear becomes excessive and interferes with a person’s life it is considered a “disorder”. There is no known cause but the disorder is treatable. It has been said many times that the key to success in life is self-awareness. So, if you are wondering whether or not you are shy, introverted or socially anxious then it’s time you found out. The Dynamic Introvert!

What Are You Tolerating?

By Lesley TaylorPosted on October 4, 2014Posted in Introverts, LeadershipTagged Energy, introversion, Introverts, Leadership, personal energy, The Dynamic Introvert, The Introvert Advantage, tolerating

What Are You Tolerating? As a coach, “what are you tolerating in your life?” is a question that I often ask my clients. The purpose of the question is to help clients understand what might be getting in the way of their moving forward. Today I’d like to explore the question as it applies to our personal energy. It is difficult to feel energized about anything when one is mired in the detritus of the past. Another way of looking at this is to visualize a large, invisible sack, that you may be carrying around with you. Over the years, you may have found that this sack has become heavier and heavier as you continually add “stuff” to it. The amount and type of “stuff” that can be added is unlimited but people have told me that they feel weighted down by the following: Unresolved issues Old habits that no longer serve them Negative emotions about people or events Focusing on past failures These are things that we tolerate because we can’t or won’t let them go. Of course we all tolerate things that we shouldn’t: jobs that are boring or that don’t challenge us anymore, relationships that are toxic, behaviors (our own and others) that no longer serve us. Avoiding or tolerating is a huge drain on our energy and something that introverts need to pay particular attention to. According to Marti Olsen Laney in her book The Introvert Advantage, “Genetic research has shown that it takes introverts longer than extroverts to reconstitute themselves when they are depleted.” I thought about this recently after a friend mentioned her struggle to recover her energy. Understanding and managing our energy requirements is especially important for introverts, but this is no simple matter as our energy can be affected by numerous things: The weather Our fitness level Our diet Our sleep or lack of The quality of our relationships Our mental and physical health Other people’s expectations of us So, determining which, if any, of the above is affecting us is the first step in getting a handle on understanding our energy needs and how we might go about raising our energy levels. Because there are so many variables affecting our personal energy this may take some time but will be well worth it in the end. From an early age many of us are taught to accept life as it is. We learn to “get by” or to “tolerate” what is happening in our lives. But we don’t have to do this! We can identify the things that we tolerate and in doing so we can eliminate them from our lives. So, what are you tolerating? Lesley

What Makes a Dynamic Introvert?

By Lesley TaylorPosted on August 19, 2014Posted in IntrovertsTagged Dynamic Introverts, extroversion, introversion, Judy Curson, The Dynamic Introvert, Yellow Point Lodge1 Comment

Have you ever wondered what makes a dynamic introvert? As I was writing The Dynamic Introvert a lot of people asked me to describe the difference between introverts and extroverts. I was also asked if I could tell the difference between these two personality traits. As other writers have already tried to address this question in their books or on their websites I would like to take a different approach in this post. If I have learned one thing while researching and writing my book it is that we are all different and none of us can be “pigeon holed”. Of course there are introverts who are quiet and reserved. These are the people who prefer their own company to the company of others. But I believe that these introverts may be in the minority. This is due partly to the fact that introversion and extroversion exist on a continuum and that, like many things in life, the majority of us sit somewhere in the middle of the continuum and so we have the ability to shift one way or the other depending on which situation we find ourselves in. So, what makes us dynamic introverts? One of the most brilliant descriptions of a dynamic introvert comes from Judy Curson, a medical doctor in the UK who wrote, “I think many of us are dynamic. We just make less fuss and noise about being dynamic than some extraverts. Our energy and enthusiasm is often hidden from the external world.” Many of us are dynamic in the way that Judy describes but many of us are also very social and dynamic in the same way that extroverts can be dynamic. Words such as gregarious, outgoing, fun, interesting, and energetic could be used in place of dynamic here. These are words that I would use to describe the many dynamic introverts who I know and who could easily be mistaken for extroverts. The difference is that these dynamic introverts need “down time” or time to recharge their batteries. This spring my partner and I spent six days at Yellow Point Lodge on Vancouver Island. Yellow Point Lodge was built in the 1940s and hasn’t changed much over the years, or so I’m told. Guests stay in a variety of rustic cabins. Each cabin sits facing a body of water called The Stuart Channel. There is also accommodation on the second floor of the main lodge. The main floor of the lodge consists of a large communal dining room, kitchen, offices and a great room which has windows on two sides and a massive stone fireplace on the third. This is where people congregate before and after meals and at any time during the day when they are not outdoors enjoying the spectacular scenery. The dining room houses large round tables that seat 9 or 10 people. At each seating we have the opportunity to meet new people and interact with people we have gotten to know over the years. On the surface it appears that the majority of guests are extroverts, due to their outgoing, friendly, behavior. But I know, having stayed at Yellow Point for a number of years that things are not what they seem and in fact many of my fellow guests are in fact dynamic introverts. What is not so obvious, unless one looks for it, and what sets these dynamic introverts apart from their extroverted companions, is that the introverts often disappear throughout the day to recharge. They quietly leave the group and return to their rooms or go for solitary walks in the woods.

Do Introverts Really Prefer Solitude?

By Lesley TaylorPosted on June 4, 2014Posted in IntrovertsTagged entrepreneurs, introversion, Introverts, Leadership, Profit Guide, Richard Branson, solitude, The Dynamic Introvert2 Comments

Do Introverts Really Prefer Solitude? Recently the online magazine Profit Guide published a story about introverts, leadership and entrepreneurship. The article began with a story about Richard Branson the self-described introvert & entrepreneur who created the Virgin Group of companies. Yes, another high profile leader who is also an introvert. One of Profit Guide’s readers, who felt compelled to comment on this article, stated that the biggest different between introverts and extroverts is that introverts “prefer solitary activities to group situations”. I don’t agree. In fact, not all introverts prefer solitary activities to groups. The dynamic introverts among us, those who enjoy socializing and group activities have learned how to manage our energy. We may need some down time but that doesn’t mean that we prefer to do things on our own. We may just be more comfortable with solitude than many extroverts are. We know that introverts need down time or alone time and that this is especially important for leaders who have heavy demands on their time and energy. But is this what really differentiates introverts from extroverts? The other night I was a guest at a house party where two of the guests, both self-described introverts, were busy socializing in the kitchen most of the night. In comparison the host of the party, another introvert, spent most of his time either alone on the patio or sitting in the dark in the living room. Every so often he would appear in the kitchen for a quick chat, a drink, or a bite to eat and then he would retreat into solitude. So, when people think about introverts they may believe that we are all like Tom. Perhaps Tom is onto something. Spending time in solitude is not a bad thing, in fact lots of people are only now waking up to the benefits of spending time alone. Since writing The Dynamic Introvert I find myself increasingly fascinated by the behaviors of the introverts who I meet. We are all vastly different and it is not fair to paint us all with the same introverted brush. What we need to do is to recognize that we are all different and that no two introverts are alike. What do you think? Do introverts really prefer solitude to group activities?

Charismatic Leadership Can Be Learned

By Lesley TaylorPosted on May 21, 2014Posted in IntrovertsTagged charisma, charismatic, Dr. Judy Curson, energetic, Energy, enthusiastic, extrovert, Introvert, Leadership, National Health Service, The Dynamic Introvert

Charisma is a desirable quality in a leader and one that has traditionally been associated with extroversion. But, as I learned while researching The Dynamic Introvert, introverts have a dynamism or charisma of their own: Here’s what Dr. Judy Curson, introvert, and leader in the National Health Service in the UK has to say about this, “I think many of us are dynamic. We just make less fuss and noise about being dynamic than some extraverts. Our energy and enthusiasm is often hidden from the external world.” Charismatic people tend to be optimistic, enthusiastic, and energetic and interestingly we all have the potential to be charismatic—introverts and extroverts alike. Being an optimist, someone who sees the world in a positive light, is an attractive quality in a leader. According to the dictionary optimists are “hopeful and confident about the future.” We all find it easier to follow someone who fits this description. Energy is also an ingredient in charisma and keeping your energy up can take a considerable amount of work. I devote an entire chapter to understanding and managing our energy in The Dynamic Introvert. Here are some additional suggestions to help you maintain your energy through-out the day: – Make a “to do” list and do keep track of the things on the list. When you have unfinished tasks on your mind, even if you are not aware of them, you will find your energy negatively affected. -Make a list of the things that you are “tolerating” and create a plan to reduce or eliminate these. -Take a rest break during the day, especially if you have to work late into the evening. -Get up and move! Go outside and walk around the block. Walk up and down the stairs. Stand up while you are talking on the phone. Finally, it’s easy to be enthusiastic when you feel passionate about something. The good news for introverts is that charisma can be learned and no-one can be charismatic 100% of the time, not even the extroverts in the group. Consider charismatic leadership a set of skills that you become better at the more you practice.

Thinking Too Much Can Harm Your Brain

By Lesley TaylorPosted on May 13, 2014Posted in IntrovertsTagged Adrienne White, B. C. Organizational Development Network, brain, Introverts, Marty Olsen Laney, Multitasking, short-term memory, The Dynamic Introvert2 Comments

A few weeks ago I attended a cracker barrel event sponsored by the B.C.Organizational Development Network. I found myself drawn to a session called, “I’m trying to think and nothing happens!” which was facilitated by Adrienne White. Adrienne focused on two things: 1. thinking in a way that does not harm your brain 2. expanding your potential for innovation Let’s look at #1 today. Adrienne started the session by asking us what we knew about multitasking. Although humans have always found ways to do more than one thing at a time, scientists are just now learning how this phenomenon impacts how our brain functions. Psychologists, in particular, are concerned about the increase in short-term memory loss and the difficultly we have concentrating when we multitask. Introvert and author Marty Olsen Laney refers to this as “brain locking” when our mind goes “blank”. And when this happens it appears as if we don’t know what we are talking about and this can be both frustrating and embarrassing. So, why does this happen? It might be because multitasking causes our frontal lobes to become overworked and then the brain can’t function properly. The frontal lobe is the part of the brain responsible for problem solving, planning, judgement, and attention. Now, getting back to Adrienne; she asked us an interesting question, “What can you do to give this part of your brain a break?” Not surprisingly, rest and exercise were high on the list of answers. One final thing, I believe that we also need to understand and limit the amount of multi-tasking that we engage in. What do you think?